22 quotes
Diamonds, Love, and the Art of Persuasion
Spears
I'm not talking about lust. A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.
Ben
Yeah, I'm not talking about lust either, ladies. I'm talking about deep, meaningful, head-over-heels, his-n-hers towels, let's-grow-old-together L-O-V-E. Look, I love women. I do. Whether they're 4, 40 or my 88-year-old grandmother, I respect women. Alright? And I also listen to women. And that's why I can sell myself to any woman, anywhere, any time.
Spears
Make a woman fall in love with diamonds, Benjamin, or with you?
Ben
Eh, either one.
Warren
Well, that's cocky, Ben.
Ben
No, not cocky, confident.
Warren
I'd like to see you prove that.
Ben
You would?
Warren
The agency's cohosting a party for the DeLauers at the Astor Museum. The party's a week from Sunday. Do you think you could make a woman fall in love with you by then?
Spears
Ten days? Any woman, anywhere, anytime?
Ben
Any single, available, straight woman-- yes.
Love and Threats in a Complicated Relationship
Ben
You're already falling in love with me.
[to himself, on his balcony, waving goodbye to Andy before she gets in her cab]
Andie
I'm gonna make you wish you were dead. Poor guy.
[blows away a kiss to Ben up on his balcony]
Truth and Deception in Relationships
Taglines
One of them is lying. So is the other.
Awkward Nickname Sparks Unwanted Conversations
Ben
The one night that we even thought about.. getting close to having sex. She up and decides she's going to nickname my...
Michelle
Penis.
Ben
Princess Sophia! You wanna talk about shooting a man's horse!
Andie
I thought it was a beautiful name.
Michelle
Hmm, I see, Benjamin. And when was it that you first realised that you were attracted to other men?
Advice on Dating Mistakes and Misunderstandings
Tony
You might want to read this.
[holding Andie's magazine]
Ben
Ah, no thanks.
Tony
Yeah? "I've lost a guy, and l don't know why. What went wrong? When I started writing this month's column, I wanted to commit the certain silly dating faux pas. What l didn't realize was that I was making the biggest mistake of all." Here. Trust me. Read it.
[reading]
Navigating Personal Life and Professional Boundaries
Lana
Are we loving the way she looks, all?
Michelle
I haven't eaten since the split.
Lana
Good for you. Write about it.
Michelle
I can't use my personal life for a story.
Lana
I understand completely... Who will use Michelle's personal life for a story?
Imagining Future Children Through Photoshop
Andie
I did something kind of wacky. I used Photoshop at work today to composite our faces together to see what our kids would look like. Our family album! You don't want to see our children?
Ben
We don't have... children.
Introduction of Andie and Ben
Andie
Andie Anderson.
Ben
Benjamin Barry.
Andie
Cute.
Ben
Thank you.
Andie
I meant your name.
Ben
Thank you two times.
Andie
Unattached?
Ben
Currently.
Andie
Likewise.
Ben
Surprising.
Andie
Psycho?
Ben
Rarely... Interested?
Andie
Perhaps.
Ben
Hungry?
Andie
Starving.
Ben
Leaving.
The Fate of Love and Responsibility
Andie
Oh, no. Our love fern. It's dead.
Ben
No, it's just sleeping.
Andie
You let it die. Are you going to let us die?
A Playful Exchange on Beauty and Preferences
Andie
It's beautiful.
Ben
Thanks.
Andie
You're beautiful. The game, the whole thing... I wish I ate meat. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. You have to take this away before I gag.
Dating Advice in Reverse: A Unique Approach
Andie
Look at Michelle. She is a great girl, right? An amazing woman. But she has a problem hanging on to relationships and doesn't really know what she's doing wrong, which is like a lot of our readers. So, I was thinking, that I could start by dating a guy, and then drive him away. But only using the classic mistakes most women, Like Michelle, make all the time. I'll keep a diary of it and it will be sort of a dating "How To" in reverse.
Lana
What not to do.
Andie
Yeah.
Lana
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days". Yes. Go.
Naming Conflicts in a Playful Exchange
Andie
Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?
Ben
Who's Princess Sophia? No, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa. You're kidding me right? Princess Sophia?
[she points to his crotch]
Andie
Little? Big? Little? Big? I don't know, we will find out!
Ben
Listen, you can't name my member Princess Sophia.
Andie
Yes I can.
Ben
Listen... listen... if you're gonna name my, my member, you've gotta name it something hyper-masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King, but not Princess Sophia.
Andie
What did you just say?
Ben
Spike. You know what I mean?
Andie
No, no, after Spike.
Ben
Butch.
Andie
After Butch.
Ben
Krull... Krull, the Warrior King.
Andie
Does Kr-rull, the Warrior King want to come out and play?
Ben
Oh, come on... No.
Andie
Krull.
Ben
You know what? Due to... intense humiliation, the King has momentarily abdicated his throne.
Emotional Moments in Relationships
Michelle
Mike and I had such a connection. The first time that we had sex, it was so beautiful I cried.
Jeannie
You cried?
Michelle
Yeah.
Andie
You mean one glistening tear on your cheek, right?
Michelle
No, I was really emotional. I even told him that I loved him.
Andie
After how many days?
Michelle
Five... two.
Misunderstandings About Love in Ten Days
Warren
I understand you've been an inspiration to Ben in more ways than one. And I must say, you look rather inspired yourself. There isn't a diamond it the room that sparkles like a woman in love.
Andie
Oh, no, no. I'm not in love.
Warren
No? I guess I was mistaken.
Andie
No, no. I mean... I've only known him for ten days... You can't... I can't be...
Warren
Ben is a very lucky man.
Andie
Mr Warren, please don't tell him. Please don't tell him.
Testing Theories in Relationships
Ben
So that's what I was, huh? I was a guinea pig. Somebody you can test your theories on?
Andie
Yeah, and I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.
Ben
Yeah, you know what? Big deal. Hell, now you can even use it as a little twist in your story.
Andie
That's a good idea. Maybe we should bet on it.
Ben
You know what, you did your job now, Andie.
Andie
Yes, I did.
Ben
You wanted to lose a guy in ten days, congratulations, you did it. You just lost him.
[walks away]
Andie
No I didn't Ben, cause you can't lose something you never had!
Beauty and Behavior in Relationships
Andie
Michelle, if the most beautiful woman in the world acted the way you did, any normal guy would still go running in the other direction.
Michelle
No. No guy would go running from you, Andie. You could barf all over him and he'd say, "Do it again.
Andie
Oh, that is both incredibly disgusting and categorically untrue.
A Playful Exchange During a Meeting
Andie
Its me!
[Ben answers the phone to Andie in the middle of a meeting]
Ben
I'm in the middle of a meeting. Can I call you back later?
Andie
I miss you benny boo boo... boo boo boo.
Confrontation Over Truth and Trust
Andie
What the hell was that?
[after Ben forces her cab to pull over]
Ben
Is this true?
[holding up her magazine]
Andie
Ben, please.
Ben
Is this true? Or are you just trying to sell magazines?
Andie
I meant every word.
Ben
Well, where you going?
Andie
I have an interview.
Ben
Yeah, in Washington. I know. Where you going?
[pause]
Andie
Ben, it's the only place I can go and write what I want to write.
Ben
No, I'm not buying that. You can write anywhere. I think you're running away.
Andie
Why don't you save your mind games for your next bet, okay? I am not running away.
Ben
Bullspit.
Andie
Excuse me?
Ben
You heard me. Bullspit.
Cab driver
Hey, lady, what do ya wanna do?
Ben
Take the lady's luggage back to her place. She has alternate transportation.
[handing him money]
Andie
You callin my bluff?
Ben
You bet I am.
A Playful Exchange About Jewelry Sparkle
Ben
Look at Krull's necklace. It's got more ice than Liberace, don't you?
Andie
Oh, it's just a little frosting.
The Dual Nature of Andie
Thayer
I thought you said after the Knicks game, she was a goddess.
Ben
Oh, she was. That was the good Andie, this amazing, fun, cool, sexy woman. I'm talking about the evil Andie now. It's like a crack-enhanced Kathy Lee Gifford.
Careers in Advertising and Ambitions
Ben
I'm in advertising. I work mostly with alcoholic beverages and athletic equipment companies, and I'm trying to break into the jewellery market right now.
Andie
Saving the world one keg party at a time?
Ben
What about you?
Andie
What about me?
Ben
Have I seen your work?
Andie
I work at Composure.
Ben
Fastest growing women's magazine in the country. I'm impressed. Saving the world one shopaholic at a time, eh?
Embracing Creative Freedom in Writing
Lana
Congratulations. This shows me you're ready to be unleashed. From now on, feel free to write about anything.
Andie
Anything?
Lana
Wherever the wind blows you.
Andie
Even politics?
Lana
Well, the wind's not going to blow you there.
Andie
What about religion, poverty, economics?
Lana
This wind is really more of a light breeze.