Highlights
Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men - Season 1 (2003)

Audience Score
70

Season 1 Plot

Bachelor Charlie Harper’s carefree life is turned upside down when his uptight brother Alan and nephew Jake move in, sparking chaos and comedy in Malibu.

Two and a Half Men Season 1 aired on September 22nd, 2003.

Season 1 Episodes

65

1. Pilot

September 22nd, 200323 min

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

71

2. Big Flappy Bastards

September 29th, 200321 min

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

73

3. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

October 6th, 200321 min

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

76

4. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

October 13th, 200321 min

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

72

5. The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

October 20th, 200319 min

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

68

6. Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

October 27th, 200321 min

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

76

7. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

November 3rd, 200321 min

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

72

8. Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

November 10th, 200319 min

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

68

9. Phase One, Complete

November 17th, 200321 min

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

70

10. Merry Thanksgiving

November 24th, 200321 min

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

69

11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

December 15th, 200320 min

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

70

12. Camel Filters and Pheromones

January 5th, 200421 min

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

67

13. Sarah Like Puny Alan

January 12th, 200420 min

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

68

14. I Can't Afford Hyenas

February 2nd, 200421 min

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

69

15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

February 9th, 200421 min

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

70

16. That Was Saliva, Alan

February 16th, 200421 min

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

73

17. Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

February 23rd, 200420 min

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

71

18. An Old Flame with a New Wick

March 1st, 200421 min

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

72

19. I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

March 22nd, 200419 min

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

69

20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

April 19th, 200421 min

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

69

21. No Sniffing, No Wowing

May 3rd, 200421 min

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

67

22. My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

May 10th, 200421 min

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

74

23. Just Like Buffalo

May 17th, 200421 min

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

70

24. Can You Feel My Finger?

May 24th, 200421 min

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

All Seasons

Season 12

Season 12

Oct 30, 2014
50
Season 11

Season 11

Sep 26, 2013
52
Season 10

Season 10

Sep 27, 2012
54
Season 9

Season 9

Sep 19, 2011
50
Season 8

Season 8

Sep 20, 2010
69
Season 7

Season 7

Sep 21, 2009
67
Season 6

Season 6

Sep 22, 2008
72
Season 5

Season 5

Sep 24, 2007
74
Season 4

Season 4

Sep 18, 2006
68
Season 3

Season 3

Sep 19, 2005
71
Season 2

Season 2

Sep 20, 2004
71
Season 1

Season 1

Sep 22, 2003
70