5 Best (and 5 Worst) SyFy Movies Ever
With all the cheesy deliciousness oozing forth from Syfy for the last 14 years or so, it's hard to tell the good movies from the so-bad-they're-good. Here's a list that should help.
WORST: 5. 'High Plains Invaders' (2009)
Before "Cowboys and Aliens," there was this steampunk offering that proved what a meh idea that match-up was. "Buffy"'s James Marsters stars as a desperado saved from the gallows by an invasion of what look like lumbering giant alien scorpions.
WORST: 'Chupacabra: Dark Seas' (2005)
This spawned a sequel, the much-loved "Chupacabra vs. the Alamo," starring Erik "Ponch" Estrada. But the original's even cheesier, featuring the Black Lagoon-like creature terrorizing a cruise ship whose all-you-can-eat buffet includes no goats to suck. John Rhys-Davies, a long way from "indiana Jones" and Middle-earth, stars, along with Giancarlo Esposito, who has yet to realize he'd be a lot safer slinging chicken and meth on "Breaking Bad."
WORST: 'Mansquito' (2005)
An experiment-gone-awry turns a convicted killer into a human-sized, bloodsucking insect. The result: a film worse than West Nile virus. Yes, male mosquitos don't sting and slurp, but this one does suck. A lot.
WORST: 'Anonymous Rex' (2004)
Dinosaurs never died out, they just figured out how to disguise themselves as humans and live among us. In this hard-boiled dino-noir, two velociraptor detectives (one of them is future "True Blood" shapeshifter Sam Trammell) uncover a conspiracy by renegade lizards to wipe out humanity and retake the planet. Oscar-winner Faye Dunaway is on hand, if for no other reason than to play up the "Chinatown" comparisons, which do this movie no favors.
WORST: 'Man With the Screaming Brain' (2005)
The legendary Bruce Campbell (who also directed, produced, and wrote the film) and an Eastern European cabbie are both shot and left for dead by the same woman. A mad scientist fuses the two men's brains together and crams them into Campbell's cranium, setting off a grisly quest for vengeance that plays like Steve Martin's "All of Me" and "The Man With Two Brains" surgically fused.
BEST: 'Mammoth' (2006)
A prehistoric pachyderm is awakened by an alien parasite, gains the ability to suck out the life force of humans through its trunk, and goes on an impaling, stomping, life-force-sucking rampage that threatens the earth -- sorry, the description really doesn't do this masterpiece justice. Somehow, it actually got nominated for an Emmy for special effects.
BEST: 'Dinocroc Vs. Supergator' (2010)
Two carnivorous kaiju -- one a prehistoric beast, the other a genetically-engineered behemoth -- escape from two different Hawaiian research labs to do battle with bikini-clad bathers and with each other. Bonus points for the meta-moment when a horror movie producer is coaching two starlets in his hot tub on how to scream, when Dinocroc shows up suddenly and gives them all real motivation.
BEST: 'Mega Python vs. Gatoroid' (2011)
The Tiffany vs. Debbie Gibson battle you always hoped for throughout the '80s finally happens here, with the two former mall-pop sirens taking it to the next level by unleashing the massive mutant reptiles of the title in a proxy war over the law, the fate of the Everglades, and any man unlucky enough to get caught in the crossfire (including poor Monkee Micky Dolenz). Truly epic.
BEST: 'Sharktopus' (2010)
Not only is the monster amphibious, but it also has razor-sharp tentacles. It was engineered to fight terrorists on the high seas; instead it just attacks spring breakers in Santa Monica. Still, everyone seems to be having a blast, especially villain Eric Roberts, who, as usual, makes the movie better by virtue of sheer Eric Roberts-ness.
BEST: 'Sharknado' (2013)
It's arguably no better or more creative than the other movies on this list, but still, "Beverly Hills 90210" alum Ian Ziering chainsawing his way out of an airborne live shark has become one of the iconic TV moments of our era. Also, we should be grateful to the "Jaws"-meets-"Twister" tale for giving us back Tara Reid, whom we didn't even realize we'd missed.
